I actually enjoyed the cantata at the Easter service. hahaha. It’s my third year, but this is the first year I actually paid attention. I don’t remember the previous years at all. Maybe I was sleeping? Everyone dreads the cantata. Yes, it’s super long and it’s in Korean. But I found it so interesting. It was a combination of monologues and singing. It really brought out the drama of Jesus being crucified and being risen. This year’s passion week was so blah for me. The past years, I spent a lot of time meditating and doing QTs specifically for passion week, but this year I got lazy or something. I was successful during Lent though. I gave up tumblr and was able to stay off for 46 days. I wouldn’t say that I was 100% successful because my heart was not in the right place at first. Everyone knows I’m a tumblr-addict and I publicly announced that I wouldn’t be on tumblr. I like to keep my word and I don’t like to break promises or responsibilities, so that was my main motive for staying off tumblr. After a couple weeks, I decided to be straight with God. I am now doing daily QTs and hoping to finish reading the whole Bible by December 31st, 2011. The more I read the Word, the more I get angry at myself, at our church, and at the world. We don’t understand how faithful God is to us and how unworthy and bad we are. I get so angry that people are not striving to have a perfect relationship with God. It also makes me angry that I should not be the person to be judging. Who am I to judge when I’m facing the same trials? I’m really frustrated of our generation.

It’s been 1 day since I’ve been back on tumblr. I’m going craaaazzyy. I wasted so much time on tumblr. I skipped class. I was going to study and work out, but that didn’t happen because I was on tumblr. I didn’t eat (well I am on a starving-diet right now because I’m so fat) and because all the girls and celebrities on tumblr are so skinny. I was love-struck (again) and going gaga for Yonghwa. I think I might need to be off tumblr permanently, but that is such a scary thought.

I was looking back on my old self, and I wish I could be young again. I used to be so cute. I hope I’m still cute, if not cuter. ahaha jk. I think my personality got cuter (if you really get to know me). Yet at the same time, I definitely feel spiritually more mature even though I was more passionate when I was younger. I don’t know what I’m saying.

I really like Dan’s idea of recording where he is in the Bible after every blog post. It’s like digital accountability. I’m going to steal his idea. I definitely want to keep my word of finishing the Bible by the end of this year. Finishing the Bible in 8 months…. I’ve never attempted this before. I just hope I don’t get lazy and I really push through with this. And I’m also scared of failure.

[Exodus 2]


One thought on “Commitment

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