Whatever Comes to Mind

I don’t like to think about what I’m going to write about in my blog, beforehand. I have all these ideas of what I may post, but sometimes I never end up writing the entries or I will write it up centuries later.

I usually end up updating my blog when I have TONS of work to do, but I feel too overwhelmed to do it, so I end up finding a useless outlet to waste my time. This is the case right now.

Yesterday, I felt really accomplished and manly because I fixed the toilet.

Some people may not know, and others may emphasize this too much, but I grew up not doing chores. Shocking. You can call me spoiled, but I don’t think I am, but then again, to a certain extent I am. My parents emphasized education as the number 1 thing that should be of the most importance in my life. They drilled this down ever since I was 4 years old. They made me focus on school all the time. My extra curricular activities were going to Korean school, reading/writing classes, math classes, science classes, more reading classes, etc. to get ahead of my peers. Education was number 1 priority; I didn’t have time to do chores like other kids. Therefore, I never got an allowance ever in my life. My parents just gave me money when I needed it. Did my parents make the right decision in raising me this way? I don’t know. I think they could have been more strict with me, but then again I think I would have turned out to be more problematic because I hate people who are nosy, in my business, and nag at what I should be doing. There are reasons why my parents raised me this way, but I can’t get into it because it’s personal. My parents wanted me to grow up on my own. As a kid, I always felt so neglected because of that. Today in my communication science and disorders–language development class (which I love), my teacher was explaining how children learn from the social world. They are taught how to tie their shoes, they are taught how to act in a situation, etc. It’s all learned from parents. I realized that I still don’t know how to tie shoes “normally” like other people because I was never taught by my parents. I learned on my own with my own method. I learned how to use chopsticks on my own. There’s so many things that I learned on my own. Also, today in my psych class we learned about introversion-extroversion. I am introverted, obviously. I think it’s partly due to genes, but also nurture comes into play. I was always alone when I was a kid. I played by myself a lot. I learned on my own. Maybe I would have turned out differently if my parents didn’t leave me alone to grow up by myself. No I am not bashing my parents, but I think I would raise my children differently. My parents have too much on their plates and they had confidence that I could be independent. Then why didn’t they let me do chores? I don’t know. I probably turned into a brat seeking attention because I wanted attention my whole life. Thus Princess King Jane was formed. I turned into the king of the household because I wanted to be the center of attention. I always referred myself as King because kings have higher statuses than princesses and queens.

Man where the heck am I going with all this? I sound like a crazy person. “I was emo then I became a dictator” is what this entry sounds like. I promise I’m really not like that…

So what I was trying to talk about, before going into my childhood history, is that: I was King Jane, so I never did chores. Living in an apartment and doing everything on my own is a new experience. I never ever cleaned the bathroom before. I never fixed a toilet before. I never cooked before. I never did laundry before coming to college. Today I HAND washed some of my clothes and I felt so proud. I never hand washed anything before. More and more I am having respect for my mom. She does this on a daily basis, while taking care of her children and husband, and working.

But I hate doing these things. Yes it’s a good waste of time, such as blogging. However, I never get any work done. I have so much to study for. I’m getting boggled down with so much work already. I am at the library until the wee hours of the night. My sleep cycle is messed up. My eating cycle is messed up.

Ultimate conclusion: I wish I had a maid? robot? no. I need God to give me the ability to spend my time wisely and have good time managing skills, so I could do everything without feeling stressed and crunched on time.

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