Unneccessary Venting

Gosh I hate crying. I have been crying nonstop for the past 3 weeks. It’s so stupid. I really really hate crying in front of people, but I’m so weak these days. I pretty much broke down in front of EVERYONE. This is so embarrassing. I’m so emotional and sensitive these days. I mean, I’ve always been, but more-so these days. If you poke me in the wrong way, I will break down into tears. I used to be good at hiding my feelings and pretending that I’m strong. I guess not anymore. 쪽팔려 죽엤어 진짜.

I have noticed that people affect me so negatively. I take everything so seriously. One bad comment pierces my heart. It’s hard to meet genuine people. I feel like everyone wants to bring me down. Yeah, I’m really nothing as you say, so just leave me alone instead of trying to ruin me.

People tell me to just F the haters, move on, have confidence, and reveal to them that I am stronger. Really? Eh I’m not so sure. 난 집착이 너무 심해서.. The obsession haunts me everytime.

I don’t even know what I’m saying. I just need a place to vent because no one understands all the thoughts and all the burdens.

It’s sad. I’m losing passion in everything. I try to block out reality by living in a virtual world? I love watching Korean celebrities and what not, but I don’t watch any dramas. I don’t understand why everyone thinks that I watch dramas all the time. I don’t, so stop asking me to update you about the latest dramas. I don’t have all the time in the world to waste my days watching dramas. But time is ticking away as I waste my time writing this…

I need God so much, but I would rather sleep. I need real happiness, not these fake ones.

I am sincerely very sorry that I make you more depressed instead of encouraging you.

나 어떡하냐? 어떻게 해?

I need to learn more Korean. I’m noticing how I don’t know much of the 받침 and I get confused with old school Korean (not meaning the 조선 days but up until 10 years ago) vs nowadays Korean. I think I’m still pretty good being an American-born and all..

Whatever.

Whatever.

Whatever.

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One thought on “Unneccessary Venting

  1. we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need
    -hebrews 4:15-16

    so to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. three times i pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. but he said to me “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that this power of Christ may rest upon me. for the sake of Christ, then, i am content in my weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when i am weak, then i am strong.
    -2 corinthians 12:7-10

    little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
    -1 john 4:4

    persevere, jane. not with your strength or anything else but only by the grace of God, persevere. my prayer is that you will take every moment of your brokenness to go to the cross and acknowledge Jesus as your lord, savior, redeemer, comforter, and strength. “my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” -psalm 73:26. don’t be afraid or ashamed to cry. :] God will not deny a broken and contrite heart. let’s talk soon okay?

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