Broken

I was feeling very stressed and depressed because my “life/vision” seemed blurred in every way.

The good GPA that God blessed me with was falling into the pits. I didn’t know if I could stand the stress of constantly thinking about 4.0s, getting into med school, etc. I was really debating if I should transfer into engineering. Medicine vs. engineering. Both are really difficult, what am I thinking? I wanted to go into special education too. I was so frustrated that nothing was going “right.”

I hate showing tears in front of other people because it’s a sign that I am weak.

This was how I was feeling, and I guess I’m still struggling a lot with it, but I was moved today.

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokenness complete

And I know I’m weak
I know I’m unworthy
To call upon your name
But because of grace
Because of your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I really have the desire to strive for You, but my sinful nature always gets in the way. Help me not to fall in the trap of the enemy, but to have complete trust in You.

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2 thoughts on “Broken

  1. read Daniel 3. we’re not called to live an easy, comfortable, or sometimes even a happy life. but the truth is, God knows what’s best. he knows your biggest fears and ambitions/hopes. it may not be in align with what YOUR agenda says. in the end, we need to learn to be submissive and pray “not my will but yours.” my prayer is that in these times, you will cling onto him even harder. and it’s important to know that you can’t even do that by yourself. we’re so self-sufficient at times even when we ask God for help. we have to come to God broken because that’s what we are without God. when we recognize our separation from God and what a mess we are, we can turn to him and ask for grace and mercy to cover us again “i desire mercy, and not sacrifice” matthew 9:13 jane, from what i know about you, you have a lot of pride. you’re stubborn and like to be independent but at the same time dependent on so many other things except God. i think he really wants you to surrender yourself to him and let him take control of your life. he deserves it because he gave you it.

    it’s okay to cry. pray that God will break your pride. when we fall, we need to come before God with humility through repentance. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” James 4:6-10

    be encouraged because he’s with you. i pray that God will speak to you as YOU actively seek him as he has already initiated. “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

    “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 24-27

    “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
    Jeremiah 29:11

    (I really have the desire to strive for You, but my sinful nature always gets in the way. Help me not to fall in the trap of the enemy, but to have complete trust in You.)

    i know it’s tough but don’t ever give up cause He’ll never give up you. he loves you just as you are and nothing/no one can separate you from that.. especially not Satan. nothing/no one can tell you that God doesn’t care about you because he does, more than you care about yourself, your rep, your grades, your life, your future.

    have hope!

    “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

  2. I think cupofooyoo nailed it on the head. HIS ways are not our ways. Even though we might think this way or our way is best, we’ve got to submit ourselves totally to God and trust in HIM.

    Not submit ourselves when times are good and going the way we envision them to be. It’s easy to do that. As Job said himself..”Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

    Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of those typical verses a lot of Christians are aware of but yet don’t take to heart. I’m constantly reminded of this as well. If we trust in HIM, he will make our paths straight.

    I think our perspective in life is a bit off sometimes. Sometimes we’re like well why wouldn’t God want me to be a businessman, lawyer, or doctor or whatever it is..I can glorify him through that. I think HE knows what is better for us and our perspective should be to trust in HIM, work diligently in all that we do to glorify HIM, but always be accepting of HIS will however it comes whether good or bad.

    Notice, there’s no room for ME or US. More of HIM, less of me.

    Just like Jesus thanked the Father for the 5 loaves and 2 small fish..he BROKE them and then multiplied it for HIS glory. In this very same way, be open to being broken. When HE breaks us, HE will use us and whatever we do..he will multiply as long as he are within the vine. HE wins no matter what anyhow..

    I love this quote so I might be biased, but I think it’s fitting for the entry..

    If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad.
    -Ruth Stull

    You have brothers and sisters that are always praying for you. Always..

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